Recession Pays

Print your own money... legally!

2012-03-12T02:29:00.002Z

Eat your heart out Johnny Cash!

Sounds too good to but true doesn't it? But it is true, well....sort of. There isn't a court in this world that can punish you for printing money intended for the next world, which is what Hell Bank money is. When they die the Chinese go to the Underworld Court where they will be judged by the Yan Wang , the Lord of the Underworld court who will decide if they go to Heaven or the awful maze of underground decks and chambers for being naughty or evil in this life.

However, the reason you see Hell Bank written in English among the Chinese writing is because of a widespread misunderstanding of the missionaries who said basically if you don't follow the ways of Christ you'll go to Hell, they simply thought that was the English name for the place they expect to go anyway, the afterlife.

This money has been around since the 1800's and in the past they tended to be of modest denominations, now though they have staggering ones, millions even. At this time they usually carry the portrait of the Jade Emperor, ruler of Heaven. But it's not a rule and deceased mortals like JFK and Marilyn Monroe feature, I've put Michael Jackson ...move with the times!
The idea of this money is that it is burnt at Chinese funerals so the deceased has lots of pocket money in the next world, it's becoming more important because since 2006 the Chinese government has discouraged the burning of papier-mache cars, houses watches etc that become the real thing it seems later, because of the pollution it's causing. It's only a matter of time before that catches on in Chinese communities over here. Also, the Chinese population is booming (so whats new?) and Hell Bank notes will be in more demand than ever! A growing Chinese middle class and new rich is arriving here in the west, and they are trendy as well as traditional...that's why I put Jacko on mine, dead but only just, fresh in the mind of Chinese fans such a theme will sell to your target market. By the way, it's a bloody insult to send aliving person one, so you know what to do if you have oriental enemies!
How to make this money. Well, using the best thick Bamboo paper won't be easy with your PC's printer but don't panic, most of it's made on Rice paper, you can get that in art & craft stores. OK...now get your act together in Photoshop and off to your local China town tugging sleeves and putting your foot in doors, your Hell Bank money is better than any they can buy in their shops. Besides they will be tickled pink seeing you selling it, don't be proud, if you have the Yen to make a Buck, this is the Sterling solution...do it!
Further Reading... Hell Bank notes

New Flag and Scottish Independence

2012-02-16T13:46:00.000Z

Scottish Independence is something that will happen suddenly and few will accept it's going to happen until it really does, uncertainty will hover, breath will be held. A break from the United Kingdom by Scotland may not force a change in the Union Jack, do companies always change their name after their original activity is gone or become minor? Ever wondered about the Piano fork tuner trade mark you see on Yamaha motorcycles? That said, the Union Flag may be changed....and a run on anything will mean the effected manufacturers can charge a premium price. Flag makers will make a fortune out of a Scottish departure from the United Kingdom, their share prices will rise in the run up even if it doesn't change the flag. Watch things closely, keep funds available!

Condoms....a Golden opportunity

2012-02-04T23:26:00.004Z

Condoms, and some other sex products, have long done well in hard times. People who may have been going out to do other things stay at home and make love instead, that sort of thing.
The golden age of condom investment many feel is over, the 1980's when Aids / HIV raised it's ugly head and caused everything from caution to hysteria, or plain awareness of STD's generally, these all fell when condom sales rose.
However, while that threat means they will never slump in the foreseeable future,recession has risen again and the upward trend of condom sales has returned, by about 10% a year. Investors are doing well.
But a new Golden age looms if the rumours (leaks) coming from the Vatican bear fruit, that the Pope is to announce tolerance and approval at last...if only because of sky rocketing global population and acceptance of modern needs, rather than a revision of true dogma.
You can bet your bottom Dollar that the Vatican will be buying shares in chosen companies, if there's money to be made they don't waste time.
If you have the means, keep an eye on where the Swiss Francs are being invested within the Latex and Condom market, these will do the best, and be the Jewell's in the crown,but that said they will all see their share prices rise.

Welsh Gold and Property Prices

2012-01-20T17:21:00.004Z

Welsh Gold is the best, not that it's really different from Gold found anywhere else but it's rare at it's source, not the stock they would mint coins or produce bullion from, but Welsh Gold Jewellery is favoured by Britain's Royal family too, if you can prove gold is Welsh it's worth about three times the going rate in any currency so a great investment to have. Alas, so rare now, that the last mine shut down in 1998 and nothing commercial has happened since. Welsh Gold was always found in the north of the country at places like Clogau.
OK...you have a property in South Wales and you know how bleak the outlook is for property values there in 2012. Time to change all that, redeploy your frying pan, it's the best thing you ever bought. There must be a bubbling Brook near your home that you know of, where people walk their Golden retrievers at the weekend et al .
Swallow your pride and start hammering those Gold rings (or teeth) into nugget shapes, file away some gold dust too. Get your ass and pan down to the stream when and where you expect walkers and other potential goofers to pass as you begin your panning operations just like the Old timer in the picture above.
People will approach you, 'have you struck gold?' or 'have you not realised all Welsh gold is in the north? Watch their eyes narrow as you show them what you have..ermmm...found. Gold fever is a fast acting affliction, highly contagious, viral.. 'the metal that makes white man crazy' the native American said, in their own way correct. By now the word is spreading, more panners arrive and someone will soon find the filings and odd nugget you left for them....a Gold rush sends property prices soaring when a friend of yours a few doors along, quietly brought into the plot with you, finds a few nuggets digging in his garden. Now the big guns arrive, the mining companies ,they will pay anything to own your land, even a small back gardens worth...sell and do it fast, the truth will surface but you'll have laughed all the way to the bank and relocated..... now you know how to make a Welsh property price increase!

Timber...always a growth industry

2011-12-31T20:00:00.003Z

There's no stopping the demand for Timber except perhaps the lack of Timber. It can be an ethical issue so research where you invest. South East Asian and South American logging companies can be especially unscrupulous, with wildlife and indigenous populations at risk from their blatant slash and burn antics. But Brazil has taken huge measures to revers all this.Scottish, New Zealand and North American concerns are less about making way for Beef and more about renewable resource so look there. With population continuously outstripping supply Timber prices aren't going downhill anytime soon.
Heavy weather in UK on 3rd January 2012 has brought down hundreds of trees...is there a fortune in your garden?

Invest in Gold

2011-11-29T13:09:00.004Z

'The metal that makes white man crazy' native Americans would sometimes call it with good reason, they could even have him head for the hills and leave them alone a while by telling him it was there to be had, true or not....but the magic of gold was useful. Gold Bullion and coins have long been deemed a safe haven in hard times Gold prices have soared in the recent turmoil caused by the Merkal mark and Franco German Empire...I mean the Euro and EU...
Meanwhile I'm being careful where and how I smile, I live in a rough area and I've got more than my fair shares of gold teeth in my dental work, some would argue now is the time to cash in gold teeth. Are they ugly? See the poll!

Invest in Chocolate

2011-11-29T00:38:00.009Z

In early 2009 the Daily Mail reported that British chocolate producer Cadbury has bucked the trend and saw a 30% sales increase as people resorted to it to lessen the gloom ..see article... ...I remember just these sort of reports in the early 1990's recession. Chocolate, which is NOT bad for your teeth, is an affordable comfort in hard times and it genuinely makes you feel better, it certainly seldom fails to please, buy her a box of Belguim or Swiss chocolates and you score points like it was a diamond! Good place to invest when there's clouds on the horizon, if only to keep things stable.
The Mayan God of Chocolate EK-CHUAH is also a God of Merchants and sellers...appropiate!
So, no...Brown Bullion doesn't have to mean British Chancellor Gordon Brown's ill advised sale of half of Britain's gold stocks between 1999-2002, to invest in foreign currency instead, it was a time known to many as Brown's Bottom . I rather think he should have invested in Chocolate, and Cocoa plantations instead, the after taste would not have been so bitter.
Dark chocolate is an excellent remedy for a cough....watch this space.
Containing the love drug phenyl-ethyline Chocolate is an Aphrodisiac for sure , and soon as the world wakes up to this, it will be worth a mint, it's weight in gold, maybe even be sold by the Troy ounce!
News from the front!... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-16033229

Vultures

2011-11-28T20:20:00.003Z

Bankruptcy Lawyers, Bailiffs, loan sharks...the vultures who wait to exploit the broke and even destitute are the first people that spring to mind when we ask who benefits from a recession, but no, it's not only them that stand to do well when places like Carey Street are booming, there's a lot of options!